A few years ago, I was contracted to coach teachers in downtown Baltimore to cultivate socio-emotionally safe cultures in their classrooms. I would observe and coach the teachers while they were instructing, so I spent lots of time with the children. The students were almost all black. One time, a 5-year-old boy said to me when we were sitting in circle time, “Why you got that blue in your eyes?” to which I responded, “I don’t know… It’s how I was born. How did you get the brown in your eyes?” He scowled at me, “I don’t like that blue. I’m glad I don’t got that blue. I like brown.” I smiled and looked deeply into his eyes and said, “That’s okay. You don’t need to like the blue. But I do like your brown eyes.” He stared at me for a long time before wandering off to an activity station. Within only a few minutes of his departure, he came running at me and smashed himself into my body, giving me the biggest hug his little body could muster. I held him for a while. I felt us both melt a little. Then he proceeded to poke my face and stare into my eyes while telling me stories about himself and the toys he likes.

HE WASN’T FILLED WITH HATE. HE WAS FILLED WITH FEAR. 

What if I would have been defensive or hurt when he criticized my blue eyes? What if I would have shamed him by saying, “That’s not a nice thing to say! What if I told you I didn’t like your eyes?” Or, what if I would have ignored his comment with the intent of not giving it any attention? I guarantee the situation wouldn’t have ended in the beautiful expression of love and curiosity that warms my heart to this day.

What if you viewed the protests and anger you are seeing and hearing from the “other” people (whether you are Democrat/Republican, white/black, gay/straight, etc.) as behaviors stemming from understandable, deeply-rooted fear and discomfort? What if, instead of reacting to the behavior, you reacted to the fear and discomfort by moving toward them with YOUR HEART? What if you let them look into your eyes and see you, touch you, and understand you? What if you didn’t try to change their perspective, but rather, you understood it and offered to expand it? What if you let them be afraid and uncomfortable? What would happen then? Someone has to make that vulnerable, loving choice first.

As long as we are hating and reacting to the “other” people’s behaviors, the fighting will continue to escalate. As scary as it might be to get close enough to let the “other” people look into your eyes and poke at your face, you may be amazed at the uninhibited hug, the release of what it is we ALL ultimately want for our world – connection and peace.

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