WHAT DOES COURAGE LOOK LIKE RIGHT NOW?

As a brave leadership coach and facilitator, I’m feeling prompted to share my two cents about what courage looks like right now, despite my ego’s confident advice to remain safely tucked away from the crossfire. 

I believe the bravest thing you can ever do is love… love yourself and others, especially when either is behaving in a way that you don’t think is “good” or “right.” Although reacting emotionally may seem powerful and offer more immediate gratification, it is often destructive and unproductive.

Does that mean leading from love requires being a doormat and letting others have their way? Absolutely not. That would not be loving to you or anyone else.

Leading with love requires believing every human being is worthy of being treated with dignity. It means assuming positive intent, having clear boundaries, and holding people accountable in a respectful way. Do you see why it takes great courage to lead this way? I know there are people who seem unworthy of love and respect, but that way of thinking is dehumanizing and very dangerous.

Love can effect more change than all of the anger, shaming and punishing you can muster.

what do WE do with OUR emotions?

ALL emotions contains important information for us when deciding what words to say/actions to take. They provide insights and clues. There is zero shame for our fury, fear, disappointment,  etc. We don’t want to ignore, resist them, or shame ourselves for them. But it is important to realize they come from our unconscious programming and conditioning. They are often based on obsolete narratives that we don’t realize are running our lives. They are not definitive or wise. It is not in our best interest to let our emotions be in charge or offload them onto others, but we do want to claim them, observe them, and respond to them with empathy and compassion.

Processing My Own Frustration

A few weeks ago, I was furious, wanting to scream and swear because someone’s carelessness created a full Sunday afternoon of work for me when I had plans to go on a much-anticipated hike. It would not have been helpful for me to push away those feelings or unleash my anger on that person. Instead, I endured the discomfort of allowing the ugly thoughts and emotions to come up inside of me. For about 10-15 minutes, I felt them, observed them, and responded to them with empathy. Katie, of course you feel that way. You were looking forward to that hike. This is the third time this person has created more work for you. It’s frustrating. Then I asked, “What would be the most loving thing to do for myself right now?” I gave myself permission to take a break, get a snack and a glass of water, and take some deep breaths. Once I was in a space of feeling loved and supportive (by myself!) and not feeling bad for how much I was hating that person in those brief moments, I was able to figure out what boundaries I need to create and how to hold this person accountable. I was no longer hijacked. My mind was clear. 

The best part of this work is that what is most loving for you is what is most loving to the world. Keep in mind that numbing to avoid our emotions (e.g., eating, drinking, shopping, working) is not loving. The emotions you resist will accumulate within you and control you unconsciously.   

The only thing we can trust to guide our actions is love, which comes from a much deeper place than any emotion.