An Uncanny Resemblance

A few years ago, during my week of Myers-Briggs certification training, I immediately noticed a man who resembled my dad. The man had the same skeptical and thoughtful questions my dad would have had, the same unexpected sarcasm, and the same posture of confidence and deep thought. It was an uncanny resemblance. No doubt, he shared the same personality type preferences as my dad.

On the last day of the training, I was paired with this man to do a persuasive presentation. My presentation was supposed to be tailored to HIS personality type preferences, not mine. An interesting and challenging task! Then, he was supposed to give me feedback.

During my presentation, he had the same expression my dad often always has when I ramble on about something. When I finished, in an objective and gentle tone he said, “Well, I can already tell that I need to be very careful and nice with whatever I say. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

Hard Feedback

Immediately, my heart sank, my face got hot, my bottom lip started shaking, and warm tears welled up in my eyes. I had been triggered. It took every ounce of energy I had not to cry. I was hurt and pissed. I didn’t want to confirm this man’s suspicion that I am fragile and unable to handle honest feedback, so I quickly reassured him, “No, please! I want your honest feedback. It will help me grow. I can handle it!” He proceeded to give me feedback that was hard to hear but helpful.

I truly was thankful for it.

My Fragility

We parted ways, but I remained unsettled. I felt so much shame about my “fragility.” I had worked for decades to increase my strength and resilience. Hadn’t I made progress? How could he see right through me??? I was so disappointed that I didn’t appear strong and brilliant to this man who reminded me so much of my dad.

A Secret Gift

Then I realized… What a gift this powerful experience was to me!!! It helped me to see that I had been ashamed of ME, my essence, and that I had been trying so hard to appear to be someone I was not. I was trying to be the unflappable and intelligent person my dad and many others respect and admire.

Clearly, I was not convincing anyone, and no doubt the stress of trying to be somebody else was exhausting and unhealthy for me. Understanding my personality type was a game changer for me. Not because it defined me. (Type doesn’t define or predict! It’s simply useful for raising consciousness about what is natural to us.) But because it allowed me to see my natural strengths as valuable.

I am Strong

Now I say SO WHAT if it is apparent that I am sensitive and non-threatening? I know I am also strong and that I value hard feedback to help me grow. I know I am also not afraid to engage in difficult conversations. I know I am also brave and able to ask hard questions… I know that I feel most relaxed, joyful, and complete when I am simply being ME.

And, even though I still try to impress him, I know in my heart that my dad loves me just as I am.