How Anger Consumes

Last weekend I drank poison, hoping Chris and girls would get sick. Not literally, of course. 

I was so angry that nobody insisted I stop doing housework since they knew I was in pain. The girls had finished their job of cleaning bathrooms, and Chris had gone to the grocery store. They were now taking care of their own needs/wants (how dare they?!). I fumed as I vacuumed, was loud as I washed dishes, stomped the baskets of laundry up and down the stairs…it was quite a production. All the while, I wanted to punch them!

When I get intensely emotional, I go through a process where I basically fill up an entire sheet of paper with my thoughts (esp the ugly ones!), feelings, actions/inactions, and then take time to observe what is REALLY going on within me. This process has saved me countless times over the years!

Writing Your Story

So I forcefully scribed my story all over my paper. What I realized was – I was playing the victim, and I was trying to manipulate Chris and the girls, wanting them to feel guilty and say, “Oh, how selfish of me to allow you to do that when you feel so awful. How unloving of me! I’m so sorry. You go lay down. I am not judging you at all for being lazy.” I wanted THEM to give me permission to take care of me. Ha! I didn’t need their permission. I wasn’t a victim! I had a choice. I always have a choice how I respond in any situation. I could have chosen to ask them to do more work and to have been okay with them not being happy about it (which would have been understandable). If they were busy, I could have chosen to let it wait.

Soooo, I’m working on NOT using guilt to manipulate. I suppose I try to use it because it works so well for me, but I’m working on that, too.

Let’s Connect

Join me in your leadership journey to become a brave leader with breakthrough results. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to be alerted to new Dare to Lead™ programming or schedule your first consultation below.