IT’S ALWAYS COMPLICATED

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been asked several times, “Why don’t you want a drink? What’s wrong?” as many of the social and networking events I attend are centered around alcohol. I typically reply, “Just don’t want any. Gives me a headache.” But the truth is, it’s complicated… for me and many other people who choose not to drink.

In the spirit of #VulnerabilityConnects, I have decided to share my reflections. I’m hoping it will serve as a testimony for the countless other people like myself who wish it was just as normal not to drink as it was to drink.

THE STORY

I started drinking at age 13, and it got me into a good deal of trouble almost immediately. Because of the trouble, my brain was hijacked by shame, and I proceeded to drink more to numb the pain. More drinking brought more trouble and more shame, and it all spiraled out of control. I couldn’t understand why my friends could handle their alcohol, but I couldn’t. Once I had one drink, I wanted more and more. I drank so fast and so much.

Shortly after I started college, I identified as a Christian and tried my best to make choices that honored God and me. Even after I turning 21, I seldom drank because, despite my new faith, I still had trouble stopping once I started. I just loved the feeling so much. It wasn’t a big surprise to discover later in life that alcoholism and mental health issues were prevalent in my biological family. (I was adopted.)

I continued drinking only infrequently for decades. I would basically only drink when Chris was with me because I knew I could trust him with the not-so-fun job of reminding me to stop after that first drink or two.

About 8 years ago, I started dealing with some health issues. Alcohol was placed on the NO list for a couple of years. Although my medical issues are gone now, but I still rarely drink. I just don’t see the point.

See? Complicated. And I know I’m not alone.

MY Choice MAY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE

When you see me at an event and I’m drinking sparkling water, please know I am simply making a healthy choice for me and that I don’t mind that people around me are drinking. Most of my closest friends and family members drink regularly and responsibly. I totally get how wonderfully relaxing a drink feels!

One of my very favorite girlfriends recently told me, “Oh man! Why aren’t you going to drink? You’re so fun when you drink!” It actually kinda sucked to hear that, but I know she loves me no matter what. I also know that I’m also crazy fun when I’m sober. (Life is fun!) She just doesn’t like to be drinking when I’m not… More evidence that feelings around alcohol are complicated. Thankfully, I’ve learned not to prioritize someone else’s comfort over my own wellbeing.

I share all of this to encourage all of you to honor people’s drinking choices and not question them, unless you genuinely care and want to hear their story. So many people have a complicated story about their relationship with alcohol – the people who are drinking and the ones who are sober. 

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