Before I start, I want to say I am NOT (now or in any of my posts) seeking reassurance or sympathy. I’m simply sharing my inner dialogue to make myself REAL with you, hoping it inspires you to get real with yourself and those around you. I am also allowing myself to be seen which is part of my courage journey. I love you all.

A braver 2020

Okay, so I wish I could share some great words of wisdom and encouragement about how to bravely enter 2020. (Thankfully, there are so many brilliant people sharing videos and posts to inspire you to be the best version of yourself!) Instead, in the spirit of vulnerability, I will share that my year kicked off with a deeply painful wake-the-hell-up call, a truly life-changing gift that helped me to observe the self-destructive tapes that play in my head when I am under intense stress. I allowed myself to lean in and “feel what I’m feeling” (as I so adamantly stated in my last post), instead of trying to people please or pretend everything was okay. It really sucked, but it was important. Until I get real about my tapes, they control me. They lurk in the background, ready to pounce when I am most vulnerable.

My questions for you are:

1. What are the beliefs about yourself that hold you back from being YOU?
2. What would your life be like to LET GO of those beliefs and to love and accept yourself exactly as you are? To stop the judgment?

My tapes tell me that I am a horrible, selfish person. Don’t you dare tell me that I’m not. I know many of you think I’m super nice. I get it. But my goal is not to believe I am a good, selfless person. I am a self-preserving human being, just like you. I have lied, cheated, and stolen things in my life, and I know I am capable of just about anything. Sound dark? Well, thankfully, I’ve also learned that self-preserving at the cost of others doesn’t feel good. I hate hurting others. (I’m actually working on being as kind to myself as I am to others.)

2020 GOALS

My goal is not to judge myself (or you!). My goal is to strive to be in the fullest expression of ME in all situations. It is only when I feel steeped in judgment (from myself or others) that I act is destructive ways.
That’s my 2020 goal. Acceptance and self-compassion. No judgment. And always gratitude.

I am so thankful for all of my experiences (even the painful ones), as each one has taught me a little more about who I really am. I am a spiritual being, connected to my Creator and to you.

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