I was surprised and a little bit amused when I started experiencing my first few hot flashes (random internal blasts of heat lasting about 3-4 minutes), but when they started to wake me up every 60-90 minutes at night, they crossed a line. The broken sleep was affecting my energy during the day. For several weeks, each time a hot flash came in the middle of the night, I would grumble, feel sorry for myself, and aggressively pull off the covers and move around to cooler spots in the bed. I would hear Chris (understandably) let out a loud sigh, which would frustrate me even more. I couldn’t help it! This went on for a few months until I finally accepted the hot flashes as a part of my life and stopped feeling like a victim. 

Although they didn’t stop, they stopped bothering me.

They do still ebb and flow into my days and nights, but I stopped resisting and resenting them. Instead, I adapted by changing my behaviors, and they have become less intense. At night, I now calmly slide down the bed covers and move around to go back to sleep. During the day, I now always dress in layers. When I feel a hot flash come during a meeting, I peel off a layer. No awkwardness, no disappointment. Just life. 

Acceptance of Discomfort Eases Discomfort

I recently realized that I have gone through much of the same experience with my emotions, only over a span of decades instead of months. For much of my life, when uncomfortable emotions would come (e.g., anger, insecurity, fear, desire, jealousy, depression), I would hate the feeling of powerlessness I had over them. I would be disappointed, frustrated, or embarrassed that I was experiencing them and would do whatever I could to get rid of them. Not only was the emotion uncomfortable, but the feelings around it compounded the discomfort. It sucked.  

As I’ve grown more accepting and less resistant to my emotions (just like my hot flashes), I no longer feel frustrated by the powerlessness. I allow them and observe them. I acknowledge my humanity. I feel normal. And the surrender is yielding a much more peaceful and interesting life.

ONE LAST NOTE

You know, it’s pretty wild how much is “normal” for a woman to experience. I’m certainly not advocating for any sort of sympathy for women, but maybe a wee bit of awe. If you’ve never experienced a hot flash, ask around. (Yes, even if you are a man.) I’m totally serious! They’re kinda crazy, and there’s nothing weird or offensive about them…unless you think there is.

Just normalizing the human experience!

 #VulnerabilityConnects

Let’s Connect

Join me in your leadership journey to become a brave leader with breakthrough results. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to be alerted to new Dare to Lead™ programming or schedule your first consultation below.