Chris stood in the doorway as I stormed off in a huff all the way down our driveway to take Winnie on a walk. I insisted on going by myself because Chris was being really crabby with me. My self-righteous rage and I got about 50 feet away before I stopped and woke up to what was happening. I slowly walked back to our front stoop where Chris was still standing, and sheepishly reached out my hand. With a warm smile, he grabbed my hand, and without any words, we started our walk.

THE BACKSTORY

A few months ago, I started reading a book called The One Thing. It’s a book about harnessing the power of FOCUS (on one primary thing at a time) to achieve your goals. There is a podcast based on the same message, and I’ve listened to several episodes. It’s all good stuff! However, about half-way through the book, I got distracted. (A friend recommended another book to me, and I just couldn’t wait to start it.) It is rare that I don’t read the whole book once I start. And ohhhh, the irony. It is a reflection of my life over the past few months.

Work has kept me very busy, and my wild brain has been spinning with so many things it wants to do, see, learn, and write. I’ve gradually stopped cooking meals, grocery shopping, taking care of the dog, keeping the kitchen clean, helping with home admin, etc. Instead, I’ve been passively sitting back and allowing Chris and the girls to step up. Some weeks I have lists for the girls, but with all of my travel, I have even phased out of that. The result – Chris has been basically living much like a single dad and was given no advanced notice of his situation. Meanwhile, I have been overwhelmed with excitement, stress…and guilt. I’ve been fully aware of my inconsiderate way of managing my life, but I’ve kinda enjoyed it. A weird and unpleasant mix of emotions.

Doing / Not Doing

Last night, the gravity of the situation finally hit me. Chris was having so little patience with me about random things I was doing/not doing, and I was full-on defensive about everything. It was ugly. That was when I went out to take a walk and told Chris I didn’t want him to come with me. I was furious that he was being so short with me.

On our walk, we started the real conversation. He explained that he wants to know what is his responsibility and what is mine. He’s fine as long as he knows. I realized how badly I also want to know. My priorities have been all over the place. Everything had become important, so nothing really was.

The story Chris had been telling himself was if he didn’t take care of everything, he wasn’t being a loving and supportive husband. He wasn’t giving himself permission to declare that what was happening was not okay. The story I had been telling myself was that I could gradually “drop balls” and focus on my work until it became a really bad problem. If I didn’t focus on work, I would miss out on key opportunities (operating from scarcity mindset), and being so busy now would financially benefit our family in the long run. We had both been trying to do what we felt was good and right. It just wasn’t.

Once we rumbled with our stories, we were able to work toward a solution (e.g., creating clarity around all of our roles).

Back Into Focus

My true priorities have come back into focus much more clearly, and I feel lighter. Unconsciously, I knew I was not being considerate, and it didn’t feel good. Maybe I will try to finish The One Thing now to help me stay focused on what matters most to me – my family and my connection to my Creator. When my priorities are in order, I do everything better.

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